-If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

-How can this be a free country if everything is for sale

-A hundred thousand sperm and you were the fastest?

-Answer my prayer -- steal this car.

-As a matter of fact, I do own the road.

-Beat rush hour, leave work at noon

-Daddy Farted, and we Can't get out!!

-Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

-I'm only driving this way to piss you off

-I'm out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?

-I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.

-If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

-Invest in America. Buy a Congressman!

-It's time to pull over and change the air in your head!

My job is secure. No one else wants it.

-Don't steal. The government hates competition.

-Eat well, stay fit, die anyway

-Hang up and drive!

-Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity

-If all else fails .. lower your standards

-Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

-Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

-Caution! Driver just doesn't give a shit anymore!

-Have a crappy day

-God grant me patience. And I want it NOW!

-I'll do it tomorrow, I've made enuf mistakes today

-Love is free. It's diapers that are expensive

-Ignore your rights and they'll go away

-The complaint department is closed!

-Good planets are hard to find

-I love my country. It's the government I'm afraid of.

-The opposite of progress is Congress

-The best things in life aren't things

-Life is like a box of chocolates .. full of nuts!

-Ask me if I care!

-Hey jerk, you are driving a car, not a phone booth