Funny Sayings

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FUNNY SAYINGS
Funny Sayings for any occasion
These sayings are not all exact quotes nor can we verify who actually coined each of them. Use these sayings for entertainment purposes only. Copyrighted sayings will be removed upon written request from the rightful owner.

Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.

All I ask for is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.

What happens at Grandma's - stays at Grandma's

My ultimate vocation in life is to be an irritant.-- Elvis Costello

To attract men, I wear a perfume called ``New Car Interior.''-- Rita Rudner

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
-- Robin Williams

"The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love." Joe E. Lewis.

"Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf." Will Rogers.

"Lifes Tough, get a helmet!"

"A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah." - Ronald Reagan

I either Get what I want or I change my mind.

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
-- Woody Allen

He swallowed a lot of wisdom, but all of it seems to have gone down the wrong way.
-- Georg C. Lichtenberg

Those who cannot remember the past will spend a lot of time looking for their cars in mall parking lots.-- Jay Trachman

If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.-- Source Unknown

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
-- Phyllis Diller

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
-- Flip Wilson

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