Hilarious Sayings

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HILARIOUS SAYINGS
Hilarious Sayings for any occasion
These sayings are not all exact quotes nor can we verify who actually coined each of them. Use these sayings for entertainment purposes only. Copyrighted sayings will be removed upon written request from the rightful owner.

Most children's first words are "Mama" or "Daddy." Mine were, "Do I have to use my own money?" - Erma Bombeck

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy. - Erma Bombeck

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you? - Erma Bombeck

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you. - Erma Bombeck

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.- Groucho Marx

Wow! You're really fat! - - Dane Peddigrew

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it. - Unknown

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
Rodney Dangerfield.

Why not have your cake and eat it too - it's cake, what else are you going to do with it?

I'm not only weird, I'm gifted too!

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. "Very funny Scotty, now beam me down my clothes..." - Kirk

If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why are you scared

I used to soar with eagles before I got sucked into a jet engine.

All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the Queen.

It's hard to be a diamond in a rhinestone world.

Reduce Check-in Line Ups. Fly Naked!

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Whoever said money couldn't buy happiness didn't know where to shop....

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