-Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. - Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

-My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil - Paul Getty

-"Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it." Anonymous

-"Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet," --- Robin Williams

-"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten." - George Carlin

-"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." - Robin Williams

-"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." - Paul Rodriguez

-Like its politicians and its wars, society has the teenagers it deserves.

-Someday is not a day of the week.

-Proud member of the vast right-wing conspiracy

-If you took an IQ test, the results would be negative

-We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse

-Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity

-Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

-And on the eighth day, God went skiing

-You can't fix stupid

-I like your approach, let's see your departure

-WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

-Panic now and avoid the rush

-Honesty pays, but not enough

-The ten commandments aren't multiple choice

-It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

-"I've learned ... that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes." - Andy Rooney

- "I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap." - Bob Hope

-"I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller

-"Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected." Red Buttons

-Age is like underwear, it creeps up on you!