He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.

If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane!

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.

If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?

If the Lord had meant us to fly, He would have given us aluminum skin.

If you lie to the computer, it will get you.

If you see an onion ring - answer it!

I just love the smell of cow dung in the morning. - - Dane Peddigrew

Redneck Pickup Line - Ford or Chevy?- - Dane Peddigrew

The light at the end of the tunnel is probably an oncoming train.

You can always tell a Texan, but you can never tell him very much.

You may be a redneck if . . . you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

"That's 'bout as dum as a bag 'er bricks"

Bobba/ A person who provides men's haircuts.

He'd bitch if you hung him with a new rope.

I'm bowed up like a Halloween Cat.

Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.

She's as useful as a tit on a boar hog.

"Don't you make me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya."

"She's uglier than a bucket full of armpits. Bless her heart."

"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."

"He ain't but a fart in a wind storm."