-is proof reading to make sure he hasn’t any words out.

-must stop using Facebook as the primary communication method with his girlfriend, family and friends.

-is trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.

-, it turns out, isn’t a Jedi

-is loving the smell of napalm in the morning

-His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. – Mae West

If I found her floating in my pool, I’d punish my dog.
- Joan Rivers on Yoko Ono

-I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. – Mark Twain

-I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial. – Irvin S. Cobb


-I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it. – Groucho Marx

-The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’ve got it made. - Jean Giraudoux

-One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need money the most, are the ones that never have it. - Finley Peter Dunne